🐾 A Week in the Life of Rusty the Dog

Ah yes. Another week of thrills, betrayal, and glory. Here's my version—because let’s be honest, the human missed all the best parts.

Monday – Squirrel Summit 2025
Human sat at their glowing rectangle again. I kept busy guarding the realm (living room). Later, on patrol, I spotted a suspicious squirrel. It was definitely plotting. I barked a diplomatic warning for five solid minutes. You’re welcome, everyone.

Tuesday – Puzzle Speedrun & Scent Disaster
They gave me this little plastic box with treats inside like I wasn’t going to solve it in under 3 minutes. Please. Amateur hour.
Then I found something FANTASTICALLY STINKY at the park and rolled in it like it was cologne. Human didn’t get it. I was so proud. She was so... not. Bath time was rude.

Wednesday – The Great Bread Robbery
They left me alone with unlocked cupboards and a loaf of unsupervised bread. I simply had to liberate it. Ate the whole thing. Left no survivors. When human got back, I pretended to be asleep on the couch like a law-abiding citizen. Nailed it.

Thursday – Rain is an Abomination
It rained. I refused to step outside. The sky was clearly broken. Human tried to drag me into it like I wouldn’t melt. I gave them the Sad Eyes™ until they gave up. I went out later but only because my bladder nearly filed a lawsuit.

Friday – Canine Chaos Hour
They brought over that fluffy golden tornado again. We ran in circles for so long I lost track of time and physics. I barked at a tree, tackled a flower pot, and possibly invented parkour. Then I face-planted and napped like a hero.

Saturday – The “Adventure” That Wasn’t
We went on a hike. Uphill. With no snacks. What is this, Survivor? I laid down halfway through and stared into the distance until they panicked and bribed me with a biscuit. Success.

Sunday – Snuggle Sunday
Best. Day. Ever. Human did nothing. I did nothing. We curled up on the couch, and I turned into a loaf. Snored through most of the movie but woke up just in time for popcorn. Would 10/10 do again.